"If you let someone else set the rules for you, then you'll be stuck in the game they want to play," I seethe. "And you'll be a pawn, not a player. In this world, nothing is handed to you, and if you dont take control of your own life, someone else will."

Okay first, go and check the poll and let me know if there is any book that fits this criteria in the comment so we can all read slow yearning romantasy books together!

GENRE: Romantasy
RATING:⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐/5
FORMAT: physical Arc

Would I recommend to others?: YES. That is all you need to know. YES PLEASE READ THIS AND THEN COME AND SCREAM WITH ME

Long Review:

Sometimes you start a story and you know its going to pull you in from the very beginning. This story took me a few pages and I just knew it was going to do the job of getting me to binge read it AND finish it fast due to needing to know what is going to happen next. Buddy reading this book with a friend also made it a SUPER fun experience which I would recommend. One of my favourite parts of the book is the lyrical prose. I love the way the author describes a lot of the things throughout the book and I'm always down for a beautiful description that delivers a lovely message. AND this book had a few plot twists that were shocking along the way and they just kept dropping every once in a while, totally blowing me away when they happened like ?!what do you meannn.

In this book, we get two POVs, one of Mancella and the other of Silver, the MCs we are focusing on in this story. I loved getting to know both of them and hearing more about each side of the story. The background story in both of these MC was one of my favourite part of this book and I cant believe I have to wait for some time for book two because what do you mean I cant read it right now.

Mancella is the FMC in this book and she has a magical power, which is (trigger warning) that she kills animals and gains them into her mind/soul. Her father (the current ruler of their land) makes her kill them so that she can gain more animals in her "army" and use that power for multiple reasons: to scare others, to build an army that can win in a war...etc. Her father is a horrible person as you will get to see throughout the story and it is very evidential he has no zero mercy or a shred of humanity in him. As he is power hungry, he does not focus nor car about the effect that his priority & focus on Mancella's magic instead of Mancella herself.

"Just beneath my skin, the animals I've killed before writhe in anger, squirming and thrashing until I feel like an overfilled sack that will rip at the seams any second. I imagine a tear starting at my forehead and splitting my body in half until everything inside me is spilling onto the tablecloth, staining the porcelain plates and desecrating the elderberry tea. I picture my empty skin collapsing into a puddle at base of my chair."

The separation between Mancella and the magic that runs through her vein adds to the layers of Mancella not wanting the magic, not knowing how to accept herself and seeing herself as a monster due to the action of her father. Every time she has a fight, she comes out of it scarred, both physically and mentally and she mentions"I'm a windup doll who has come unwound and their whole job is to wind me back up."and this describes her in just the right way as the healers put her back together again.

"Its the magic, twisting in my gut. I dont like the fight, but it does and it blazes to life, raging through my veins and roaring in my ears. Its a powerful thing, but not like a sword or an arrow is powerful. Like a disease. Like a rot in my flesh, the same rot that lights up the sky. And it changes me, transforming my insides into something monstrous."

And not only this, the day that Mancella gains her magic, she has that"...in that small moment, that absence of anything, I feel something within me break. I couldn't have told you what it was beforehand, as I'd never noticed it before. But as soon as I feel it altered, I know it to be the most core part of me. It's as though my very soul has been bent. My self, my being, is twisted now, ever so slightly. And that small, brief, infinitesimal moment of twisting terrifies me more than the rushing, consuming force that preceded it ever could."

On the other hand, we have the MMC, Silver. Silver's POV is filled with a sarcastic type of humour (which I absolutely love) BECAUSE he is afraid of heights and he says: "I'm not afraid of them (heights). But my leg is, I guess, because every now and then when I get too high it starts to lose it." and the way he approaches things is very much evidential of the life he has lead, which we can see when he says: "Impossibility is negotiable. Inadvisability depends entirely on execution. And irrationality? It's where I live".

When him and Mancella meets, it is obvious that Mancella has been sheltered to the reality of her people and the harsh reality plus cruelty her father's ruling time has imposed on the citizens he is meant to protect. However, Silver thinks of her as a"demon in a family of demons and I'm (he) is a bug beneath he feet."And I just want to tell him: Oh Silver, little do you know.

And the difference between Mancella & Silver's lives are stark and obvious. However, Mancella also manages to show Silver the good and positive things he has in his life, like his friends and companions. Mancella struggles with the fact that her mother never stood up for her against her father (we all know that her mother has her own struggles in here too) and she says, in one of the dire situation they are stuck in,"Why doesnt she make any noise? I want to pinch her, just to make her scream" and while she has a good relationship with her older sister, who lacks Magic and so is not the second in line to gain the ruling position, she says that"These days our jokes have barbs and our hearts have walls." and it is clear that she has no one that would stand by her side, no matter what the way Silver does.

Silver manages to wake Mancella up (accidentally) and she goes from thinking: "Why strive to fix things when failure is inevitable? It's not that I don't want to try, but surviving alone takes so much effort. How can I find it in me to fight even harder when my head's barely above water as it is."to changing her mind AND fighting when she realises the reality of it outside the palace and thinking:"Graveyards. In every direction. Death and desolation, no matter which way you turn. I want better."And this is a good thing because Mancella carries that typical FMC sheltered view of the world and Silver says that"it's infuriating that this girl should get to live in a literal tower with no idea what the rest of us are going through down in the dirt."

Silver and Mancella share a commonality in that they both had very little control in their upbringing and so strived for control in the small, tiny movements that were barely noticeable to anyone but themselves"Some days, in an environment so aggressively controlled, the inability to even move a table an inch to the left was unbearable. It's the reason I've spent the last few days in the castle turning vases the wrong way and pushing statues slightly off-center."Silver getting to know Mancella and realising that she doesnt truly want to kill the animals she does becomes an uncomfortable truth for him but a necessary one that he must face. And in it all, through a moment that they planned and wanted to pull of an act, he calls Mancella a monster and Mancella's heart breaks at this because"I (Mancella) never put that mask on with Silver. I was always me. And he used the word anyway."and this part broke my heart because it was mancella realising that her worst fear was being played in reality in front of her.

"My fury whips through me in a heady oblivion, and for once I embrace it. It hurts so much less than being a tool. I'm sick of being the one in pain. I want someone else to suffer. For the first time in my life, I know what it is to want blood."

Silver also struggles with Mancella's honesty and the fact that she can ask for what she wants without fearing the consequences of that. He wonders how"she just say what she wants like it's that easy? When I want something, I either try to trick someone into giving it to me, or I just take it behind their backs. If you express it, then they can say no. They can shut you down."He then goes on a journey to realise how he cannot control everything and while he does try to do that, things end up spiralling all over as he realises that his actions affects other people too.

The build up of the romance between Mancella and Silver is also one of my favourite parts and to see them develop together throughout the story and continue to grow really latches on my heart and made me want to yell at them to get together PLEASE.

"Then Mance turns that sunshine smile on me, and my breath catches all over again. It's not her usual full-force beaming —really just the edge of dawn breaking around the corners of her lips — but it's still the first time she's smiled at me since my betrayal was revealed. It's the first time I might deserve it. And it's the first time she's given me a glimmer of hope that forgiveness might be possible."

And you know what? I cannot wait to see where this story goes, where they end up and where everything goes. I am so excited for book 2 that I am giddy about it and will await (im)patiently for it.

Thank you to First Ink books for this beautiful book as an Arc. All opinions here are my own and honest.